So many things are pulling me in different directions. This isn't really that unusual because I'm 18 though only slightly ambitious.
Goals for this year:
*finish high school
*get a real Job
*get an apartment/move out of the house
*get a dog
I'm pretty sure it goes in that order, in terms of priorities. I HAVE to finish high school education. That is something I'm requiring of myself. For a long time, I was thinking seriously of going to college. I visited a couple and found a few problems, or you can call them "interesting findings".
1) I must get college loans, because there is very little chance of me (being a home-schooled kid) getting grants or scholarships at this point.
2) The information I'm learning on the campuses can also be learned at home for a smaller price as well as getting paid as an apprentice.
3) I would be living on campus with stupid rules (like no car for your first year and dorm stuff) for me to really value the social value, whatever that is. People put so much stock in that, but I wouldn't be going to college for social reasons. I'm sorry, but that's not a good enough reason for me to spend that much of someone else's money (or pretty much money I'll have to pay back when I'm thirty). Social life can be gained while learning in a different style.
Knowing these things, I refuse to become in such debt with the government or banks. That's probably one of the stupidest things I could do right now.
There is a huge farm trend in my family life these days. My brother and dad are putting together budgets and information for a future farm. They are going to find land and livestock providers before spring because that's when they have to start. I don't know how they want things to be started and all that but I have a massive craving to be a part of this. It's who I am! I've dreamed about living on a farm with a dog and cows since I was really little. I'm not a city person. I feel so in between, like I don't fit into either worlds yet. All I want is to become my own person with fulfilling work. Is that too much to ask from the world?
I started getting into Cesar Millan. I mean, obviously, his work. It's beautiful to see people and animals living together in harmony, not equality. That's not the way we are meant to live with them. In his book (I got it for Christmas, YAY!) "Be the Pack Leader" he says that we should perfect democracy among human beings before we start imposing it on animals. That's an interesting statement. I only have one problem with his thinking. He thinks of people as animals too, though somehow different than other animals. We have infrastructure and we have the natural ability to make all other animals work in harmony.
Our unique ability to do this in nature is not coincidence though. I'm not clear on how he thinks of that but I am sure that most of his understanding has helped me see the natural place of things. He just sees humans in a different place in the totem pole than me! haha
So many things that I've been learning about recently fit together to form this beautiful truth about people. We are different from everything out there. And furthermore, it's impossible for any one to be exactly like the other. We are so different yet so similar. Beauty indeed.
